In which the author tells you how to run your life -- or at least how to make the most of the fun parts of it.

For instance, inside these pages you will learn how to weather a mortar attack in good spirits; how to avoid booking yourself on the Internet into a bed and breakfast full of twee quilts and dusty tchotkes; and how to plan a dinner party that will stun your guests with deliciousness and style and not destroy your will to live with the amount of work you have to do to pull it off.

These are things I know firsthand, and things people who know me often ask me about (though I usually just book them into bed and breakfasts myself -- identifying ruffled death traps is an acquired skill). I am almost always right about everything (food, style and travel-related, anyway, and often many other things) and if everyone would just do as I say, dinner would taste better, cupcakes would not be dry, your parties would be more fun (for you), and mortar attacks... well, they always suck. I can't do anything about them.

*except laundry. I can't manage my own laundry, much less yours.

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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

All I Want for Christmas

I am one of the lucky ones -- I have so much, and don't want or need much more (until of course I go to Housewerks or a fabric store). But my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas, so I decided to put together my mostly pie-in-the-sky wish list.

I've wanted one of these pendant lights forever. They are like $900 from Birch and Willow and I'm way too cheap (and now too poor) to pay for it myself. I keep trying to make them with various forms and vines and twigs and it never works. Stupid artisans and their stupid unrippoffable artisanry.

I need the following bike for going to the market, and it needs to be in this color. I can haul around pumpkins, a litter of puppies (kittens are too wiggly) or logs for the fire. I could also haul around a cooler with popsicles and sell them at a steep profit on the National Mall when it is not 28 degrees, as it is today. Clearly it is very useful at $1,500. Madsen bikes.

For shorter trips, a very cool Amish-made scooter, specially painted for Martha lovers. I would buy a jug of Tinkling Springs milk and ride around la la la.
Caramels from Etsy. I think it's a caramel of the month club.

Anything Jo Malone Grapefruit. Very expensive.

This house on the Eastern Shore. Hands off. it's mine. $350k and 50 acres.

That house looks drafty! Therefore I need two of these $500 cashmere throws from Ralph Lauren.

The fields are obviously muddy and full of Canada Goose poop, so I desperately want these Hunter boots in pumpkin but they don't seem to be available anymore. (I ended up buying a pair in red because I need them so bad.)

And because I am poor, I need someone (else) to keep me in truffles. (And champagne, please.)

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